Imagine a moment when you are really struggling to get through your day. This is not hard to imagine when:
• Your job may demand a lot of you.
• Your children might need so much of your time and energy.
• Some relationships are strained, even fragile.
• There is so much more money going out than coming in.
• There is someone deliberately making trouble for you.
• The career you chose is leading you nowhere.
• Your only escape is to dull your brain.
• ...And a thousand other draining demands life can hand you.
Then, while in that place, let's say you pull yourself together for a moment and reach for what you hope is a helpful spiritual or self-help book. Within a short period of time, it says something like "God will provide for all your needs because he loves you more than you can imagine," and you almost recoil, unsure why.
You would so very much like that statement to be true. You would so very much like to see that all the spiritual work you have been doing has brought you to a place where that can be true, but it does not feel like you are even close. You close the book. It feels like a lie. It feels like false hope being dangled out there to somehow satisfy your empty life. You can only assume that everyone else somehow receives those blessings, but not you. Why have you been denied this? Or have you been denied? What if it's all a load of crap, created to control the masses and designed to convince you it will all be all right someday, so just go back to work, take care of the kids, drink yourself to oblivion just to get through. Is it all just a lie?
The Conflict Between Spiritual Teaching and Lived Experience
When all your physical evidence points to what you perceive as a clear conclusion, anything that suggests it could be otherwise can be very difficult to accept as a plausible alternative.
On one end, you likely know you are not being lied to, but you may be vaguely aware of something between you and that other potential, happier you that you cannot see or fathom. It's as if an intangible barrier separates you from a deeper understanding of how or why your life could be happier, more fulfilling, and more abundant, yet the path to that reality eludes you.
So, if you are trying to improve yourself and all your efforts don't seem to help, and if the spiritual truths you are trying to follow are not lies, then this could only mean you are being ignored, rejected, or are simply unimportant ... and that might be even worse than being lied to.
The thoughts and scenarios can be maddening. So why is this happening, and what could you do to even begin to turn this around?
When the Crown Chakra Becomes Guarded
Remember, you are an energy being, and one aspect of this energy is your chakra centers. Each serves a unique purpose and responds to our spiritual, emotional, and physical environments. When we experience a spiritual disconnect, have trouble finding meaning, struggle with our faith, and can't seem to feel our connection to what we consider divine, these issues are often related to the Crown Chakra being out of balance or blocked.
When spiritual teachings feel hollow or deceptive, the Crown Chakra may respond by becoming guarded. It can be difficult to remain open to spiritual support when past hopes have led to disappointment.
So the physical or emotional recoil you might experience when being told "God's love fills your being" may be an attempt to protect yourself from further disappointment. Something you experienced in the past may have taught you that trusting spiritual promises will only create more false hope and pain.
It is obvious, then, that your capacity to trust Spirit, God, Source, Creator, etc., has been compromised. If no effort is made to recognize this and begin working with it, it may simply become your new normal, and you will eventually not even sense that anything is out of balance.
The Hurt Beneath Spiritual Doubt
Beneath or behind your spiritual doubt, there may be:
- grief over prayers that seemed unanswered
- anger toward God or the universe
- fear that life has no deeper meaning
- disappointment with spiritual teachers
- shame about being unable to believe
- a sense of abandonment
- exhaustion from trying to remain hopeful
Without going into a place of sacrifice, guilt, or fault, it is very helpful to acknowledge if you have these or similar feelings rather than covering them with more spiritual language or by just stepping away from your spirituality altogether.
Hurt is real, regardless of its source, and it flows from your emotional being into your energy being. When your pain compromises any chakra, it is likely to affect related chakras as well. As more chakra energy is shut down, the path to recovery can seem even more complicated or even impossible. It isn't, but that may be how it's perceived.
When the Heart Does Not Feel Loved
As I stated, when your energy becomes unbalanced, it will not only affect your most direct chakra but also one or more of the chakras associated with the overall experience. In this case, when a person struggles to feel connected to their God, it could easily be interpreted as a lack of love and attention. Intellectually, you may understand the idea of divine love, but it seems as if it's deliberately shut off when you feel none of it emotionally.
So the deeper question may not be “Does God love me?”
It may be:
“Why can’t I feel God's love, support, or sense his guidance in my life?”
It's hard to imagine that we are somehow at the source of a problem like this when, from our perspective, we are crying out for help and getting nothing in return. A part of you may still wonder whether Spirit is truly withholding from you, or whether pain and disappointment have made that connection more difficult to recognize or receive. You may not know the answer yet, and that uncertainty can become the starting point for your healing.
You Do Not Have to Pretend to Believe
Healing does not require you to repeat statements that feel false. Lying to yourself will never lead to healing. When something does not feel true but you would rather it were, don’t accept a lie; instead, find the truth within what you actually feel.
For example, if saying "God's love heals all" feels like a lie or false hope, say instead, "I'd like to believe God's love heals all." Say that instead because it is truthful and will lead toward healing.
Likewise, here are similar things you can express while being more honest:
- I want to believe in love, but I am struggling.
- I do not understand why my life has been so difficult.
- I am angry that my prayers seem unanswered.
- I am willing to remain open, but I will not pretend.
- I need something deeper than comforting words.
I offer the same advice when someone reads an affirmation. If you feel resistance or recoil while reciting an affirmation, prefix the statement with something like "I would rather I could ..." or "I would like to believe I could ...".
Questioning Is a Helpful Part of Spiritual Growth
Spiritual doubt does not always mean you are moving away from the truth. Your questioning may simply be a catalyst for moving away from beliefs that are preventing greater insight and epiphanies from emerging.
Often, an underlying belief system, an existing relationship, or your current environment may need to change before a more authentic spiritual relationship can develop. Spirit knows the best path for you to follow, one that will create the circumstances in which you are most likely to receive the deepest healing. Sometimes these pathways may feel fearful, and that’s OK. Just ask for support and guidance, and remind yourself that you have not been abandoned and that you are not alone in this.
Actually, the foundation of forgiveness is letting go of everything and accepting “I do not understand.” That admission means you accept that this physical world is merely a mask between you and your creator, and that your attempts to understand it can sometimes deepen your frustration and keep you trapped in the demand for answers. So, accepting that you do not understand and questioning every perspective this world offers is a key step in truly opening your being to a deeper connection with your creator.
So question everything. Forgive everything from your past and stop allowing it to dictate your worth, identity, or future. It may be part of your story, but it does not define who you are. God sees you now. See yourself as you are now.
Making Space for Healing
We are not the source of healing, but we can either resist it or make space for it.
Healing comes from Spirit, and we do not need to understand every part of how it occurs, because healing is a miracle, which, by definition, is beyond our understanding. At the same time, Spirit respects our will, responding when we embrace circumstances that allow healing energy to flow, and patiently waiting when we do not.
Allow yourself to stop and be still for a few moments, and release the heavy energy you are holding on to. When you quiet yourself enough and stay still for a while, you can sense the agitated energy. Once you sense it, let it fall away. Let it go. It represents your right to be upset, your right to be angry, and your right to fight your problems and destroy your enemies. You don't want this energy, so just let it go.
Once you have softened yourself, you can also do healing work on your chakras. All things work together, so find chakra cards with affirmations for the Crown and Heart chakras and repeat affirmations such as:
- Crown - I am one with my higher self
- Heart - I embrace the past and embrace who I really am
- Crown - I know I am one with my creator and all living things
- Heart - My heart is filled with compassion, joy and forgiveness
- Crown - I know the source of light in this world
As I said before, if any of these sound like lying or hoping, prefix them with "I would rather I could..."
Healing happens. Your chakras are indicators or signposts for what to work on, but they are not at the heart of your healing. You are. Choosing to embrace healing energy into your being will allow Spirit to move more freely through the places where you were previously guarded or resistant. Watch for resistance and use it as a marker to quiet your mind and set it aside.
You yourself are not the source of healing, but you are the conduit for it. There is no perfect phrase, ritual, or spiritual performance required of you. Your work is simply to become more aware of what you are holding, how you respond to others, and where you may be resisting the love and healing you want to receive. As you become more loving and forgiving, you may become more able to recognize, receive, and create experiences that reflect those qualities.
And so it is.
